Less pretty, more diary

Back from a night out with Matthew. We went through Starry Nights, which was not very impressive, and then to the house in Bartlett that goes all out with lights and synchronized music, which was awesome and ten times cooler than the lights we paid 20 bucks for. But we supported Shelby Farms so that's what I will write in the balance book. Maybe they'll finally clean out those nasty ponds the dogs always try to swim in.

We also watched our first movie in the house (no roommate) with popcorn. Sad this just now took place, but relaxing nights are kind of a rarity when the roommates are either chatting merrily from their bedroom (Bryan), or listening through the walls for signs of sinfulness (surprisingly, not my mother).
We watched A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey--computer animated and one hundred percent scary for any kid under ten. But probably the truest adaptation of the story by Charles Dickens. I need to read that soon.

Anyways, no luck on the job front. I find myself unmotivated to really work at it. I guess I'm waiting for more of a sign, an open door, a push...We'll see how that works out.
Today's plans--tag along with Matt to pet sitting, go to the gym, and....that's all I have at the moment.

Happy day before Christmas Eve,
Manda

Brain Fart

Fuzzy, foggy, and stupid. That's how I feel most of my days. I graduated 5 days ago. I've sent out maybe 10 resumes. I've watched the entire first season of Desperate Housewives (don't judge me) and I'm thinking about absolutely nothing and occasionally Christmas presents.
At first, I thought my brain had just entered into that proverbial fried state. With so many final projects and PR strategy scenarios it's easy to need a break from thinking.

That was an excuse, I've concluded.
I am now fully responsible for turning my mind into mush.
So once again, I am back to write a list.

• Finish The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides
• Practice Excel formulas
• Create a satisfactory cover letter
• Finish One Thousand Gifts
• Read the Bible daily
• Blog about things I've learned in order to increase retention
• Write.Something.Worthwhile.
  

It is finished

Well I have done it. 25 copies of my newest story, "the way it was" sit upon my desk stapled and ready to pass out tomorrow morning. It's certainly been an interesting journey.
For those of you who don't know me or my past, I have struggled with what is called PMDD, or pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder.
Essentially, it enhances regular menstrual symptoms-- the moodiness, the depression, the anxiety--all of it. In simplified guy terms, it makes me 'bat shit insane.'
But let me tell you, PMDD has nothing on the mood swings and thought shifts I went through today.

Oh, this is going to be awesome. delete this. add this. I'm brilliant. I can show so much in half the pages it takes my classmates. Bam, watch this genius work. They are going to be so shocked at what the quiet girl in the corner can do.
*Takes break.
UGH. this is horrible. There's no originality in this. It's 5 pages of crap. I could have written this when I was 9. College has taught me nothing. I have nothing interesting to say. I suck. I am talentless and unemployed.
*Runs to Kroger for cookie dough.
I'll just add to the dialogue. This is better. I'll add to this character and change this and describe this. Much better. I CAN write! Oh, very clever. This is good. Maybe I'll get this published.
*Prints before hatred ensues.

I'll probably hate it tomorrow, but at least it's over with. Is this normal? Maybe I need to write with sedatives.

***
Stay tuned for a mini-tutorial (usually what not to do) on distressing an old wooden secretary desk AND the lazy alternative to Halloween costumes.

The Block

Once again I have failed in my strive for complete organization (perfection). I have a story due in 1 week, and have not started. I have no characters, no plot line, no setting, not even an IDEA. Nothing.

In my defense I have started 3 different short stories for this class. I started one in the summer and decided it was too young-adult-I-hate-my-parents. I started another one soon after that, but couldn't decide where it was going. I mean how many ways can an adult stalking a child story end? The third story I got a full paragraph into before dragging it to my desktop trash can. So that one may not count.

Here's my problem: EVERYTHING IS CLICHE.
I can think up characters and settings, but conflicts...I'm tired of reading about love, divorce, death, drugs, blackmail, stalking, obsessions, stereotypes, life epiphanies, cold feet, abuse of all forms, adultery, running away, etc.
I think I'm just tired of humanity's drama.

This doesn't bode well for the writing of short stories. I can't write something evolved around complete contentedness.
So my objective for today was to take something realistic and make it different...somehow.
And thus, writer's block was formed.

According to Lisbeth Cheever-Gessaman, a writer at Suite 101, writer's block is caused by fear--and worrying about it only makes it worse. You can't think your way out of it.
That was my first mistake. I gave myself a migraine trying to think of profound story ideas. I also learned a few other things that should be avoided:

• Don't bring your crazed puppy on the walk around your block. You can't think if you're constantly checking for edible hazards (rocks).
• While it seemingly works for the brooding artists in the movies, drinking and cigarettes don't bring inspiration; they just give your breath a bar smell.
  
• Staring at the blank document on the screen---daunting, not helpful.
  

For a list of what you SHOULD do, read Gessaman's article
Ten Ways to Cure Writer's Block

Purse Problematics

Yesterday, I lost my credit card. Unfortunately, it took standing in line with a cart full groceries before I realized that my plastic lifeline was not in the side pocket of my purse as it should be. So what do you do in this situation? Do you put everything back? Do you insist that they hold it and you'll be right back?

I did neither. I walked off like I had forgotten to grab a carton of eggs, discarded my basket in a deserted aisle--- and fled. I know, cowardly, but I blame the ADT. It's responsible for poor decision making, you know.

When I was safely in my car, I panicked. Did I leave it at work? Did the Starbucks lady give it back? I searched the console and the floors, but no luck. I drove home hoping maybe it was in the pocket of my work jeans. It wasn't.
After throwing bags, clothes, and bedsheets around my room, I dumped my purse for a final check. It took several minutes of shuffling before I found it. Clearly, my purse needs work. As you can see in the picture, I have quite a lot of crap.But I have found the solution! (Because I really do need all of this stuff). It's a placemat purse organizer that anyone with a sewing machine can make. How cute and thrifty! For directions and more information on the place-mat organizer visit http://efootprints.com/wp/?p=2684

Brain Chaos

It's hard to get things done when you have so much to do. It's even harder to get things done when you are stressed out and have too much to do. According to Dr.Edward Hallowell, a noted adult and child psychiatrist and author of Crazy Busy: Overstretched, Overbooked and About To Snap—Strategies For Coping In A World Gone ADD, this is a case of attention deficit trait (ADT). The difference between ADD and ADT is that attention deficit disorder occurs all the time, whether you're on vacation or at work; ADT on the other hand is environmentally dependent.

Given my new job situation, the amount of work required for my three writing classes, and the dwindling money in my account, I think I qualify as stressed. Given my recent grades and work quality, I most definitely qualify as an ADT individual. But what is the cure for this? Medication? Hallowell answered this in an interview with Sonja Steptoe of Time Magazine:

One the misconceptions is that people should be super-organized. But that's just not going to happen for most of us. It's a goal that just ends up making you feel guilty and think that you're a bad person. What I say to folks is: You don't have to be super-organized. Just be well-enough organized to reach your goals. The best treatment is to take time to slow down and think and connect with the outside world. And to stop being a total slave to your electronics.

This is kind of a blow to my new routine, but a necessary lesson to learn: there needs to be a balance. I've loosened up on finishing my to-do lists every day. Now, I prioritize it. If I don't get to the bottom errands, well, I can do them tomorrow. Or I can pay the teenager across the street to buy me groceries. Balance. I don't have to do everything.

To read more of the Hallowell interview: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1147207,00.html

The Final Edit

"We sold the company," my boss told me over dinner. Just like a break up-- clean, smooth, and somber. For 5 years I traveled to each of his stores to provide other managers with days off, to clean up after the guys who left paper wads on the counters and products randomly "displayed" throughout the store, but no more. Poof, job gone; I should have been more prepared.

The good news is I only have 3 more months until graduation, the bad news: I have the worst school schedule for securing a new job or internship. "Can I leave for a few hours and come back?" I imagine asking the interviewer. That's probably a no.

In order to put a little structure back in my life, I'm adopting a new Get Organized regimen.
First up, my resume.

In a fit of panic I emailed my PR writing professor, who directed me to a man in charge of PR internships, who sent me to Elise Dillingham, the new graduate assistant at the University of Memphis. With barely an introduction, Elise pointed to her computer screen and showed me my newly edited resume. I've never seen so many red marks on my paper.

"I formatted your job responsibilities in the order they would be most relevant to PR," she explained, "and I printed out a list of appropriate action words for you to use."
Not only did she help with the organization of my resume, but she provided some pretty helpful tips when it comes to creating a resume for a specific internship. For instance, some online applications are formulated to only pick out the resumes that match the words in the job requirement section of the company's listing. So if it states, "must be proficient in MS Office Suites," the system will check for the use of "MS Office Suites" in each resume.
She also told me that I should mention my available work hours in the cover letter, since mine are quite the obstacle. "Make it clear that you really want this opportunity, but without crossing the begging line," said Elise.

I haven't sent out anything yet, but I did manage to complete the final edit on my resume. The cover letter will need more work since it will be personalized for each internship, but that's another post on my quest for an organized life.